After having a conversation with a really good friend of mine last night about my (seemingly) falling apart life, I realized something: I have no idea what I’m doing.
I don’t know what I want to do. I like everything. I’m passionate about a lot of different topics and careers. I want to help. I want to teach. I want to report. I want to capture moments. I want to inform. I want to inspire. Are any of those in a job description, though? Not usually the way you’d think.
After being told my contracting position is ending September 4th, it’s been a mad rush of job hunting and applications. I also sign for a townhouse in 2 weeks on top of it. I have to say, I’m very lucky to have supportive people in my life willing to help me out through all of this, but I’m absolutely freaking out.
Cue: insane mental breakdown. That moment where becoming an adult hits. That moment where I realize I actually hate being an adult. That moment where I wished I was going back to school in the fall and I wasn’t 22 and I didn’t have to enter the workforce full time and I didn’t have to be stuck in the same routine for the next 50 years.
And honestly, after looking at the big picture, nobody really ever knows what they’re doing in life. Nobody knows how to “adult”. Nobody has the secret or the special code. People like to have this nice, neat layout of the way things are supposed to go, and, based off of my own experience, things almost NEVER go according to plan. I’m nowhere near where I thought I’d be at this point in my life about 4 years ago. And I’m sure in 4 more years, I’ll be somewhere completely different (preferably in Nashville).
But for this moment, right here, right now, I’m okay. I’m applying to different types of jobs, and that’s all I can do for the time being. Everything, eventually, will work out. Maybe (read: probably) not in the way I thought it would, but always in the way it was meant to.