My Greatest Love Letter

I knew it when I looked into your eyes the other day. That sparkle – it was like looking into a planetarium of every star in the universe. It was a glistening I haven’t seen in a very long time, one I was almost afraid was gone. But in that moment, I knew I loved you – and you loved me right back.

And when I heard you singing in the shower, I knew it was like a dream that had come true. A reality so magical that I thought it only existed in the movies. I never thought I’d really be able to live it in real life, but there you were, so cheery and content that you felt comfortable enough to hum your favorite love song. And again, in that moment, I knew I loved you – and you loved me right back.

Nights full of panicked conversation were now filled with sweet cuddles and the whispers of possibilities. While the sunset was once a dreaded reminder of another day wasted, it was now the start of a sweet routine – a time to take care of us and to make the most of the moments we have before time gave us others to worry about. And in those tender moments, I knew I loved you – and you loved me right back.

When the thoughts in my head started turning sour, and I was worried this might be the end, you were right there fighting for me. You kept reminding me that we were always worth it – no matter what my darkest demons tried to tell me. It was those fighting words that pulled me through. And in those moments, I knew I loved you – and you loved me right back.

I know I can be a handful. I know that there are hellish days and sleepless nights, but I will always be forever grateful that you’re there, fighting for me tooth and nail. I am in awe of your strength and compassion and resilience. The way you face your demons head on and fight until you win. I know, even in my darkest hours, that you will continue to fight for me – for us. It is in those moments – and every moment in between – that I know I love you because I am you. And I won’t give up. Ever

Quick little update on my life: I’ve been struggling for a while with anxiety/panic disorder and finally went and got some help since things were seemingly getting worse. Help from my doctor along with being (just about) sober, I’ve really learned a lot about myself in the past month. Since I’ve been feeling better and working towards being fully healthy, I wanted to post this piece.
It’s a love letter, from me, to me, to remind myself that things will always be okay. In my scariest moments, I would be caught in my head thinking that I’m worthless… I always knew in the back of my mind that it wasn’t true, but it’s hard to pull yourself out from that. Hopefully this piece helps anyone else looking for self-love and acceptance in their own lives.
“If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?”

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